a first draft replied Howl to A. Ginsberg

a rough, first draft, but a replied howl to you, A. Ginsberg:


the best minds remain,

starving, histerical, naked

or is it,

purging, apathetic, overdressed

i think about the piercing splitting dichotomies
as they drum a drone
as they drizzle daggers into my
sternum
rib cage split, ragin pit of eternal hellecstasy

ghoulish, neon american city night light powered by
some energy source
we hear about on a news headline
housing crisis, not adult, does it matter

my thoughts
run through red lights
and become crashed, collateral damage
for my culprit, guilty sweat arm pit mistake
and i cant take
it
back

and i thought about the place i walk out my door to
the place i walk in my door from
and
the place is called Saint Louis University
college,
where the dichotommies are so dangerous
"they" are still working on creating the
caution tape to warn the

purging, apathetic, overdressed

because if we were, the starving, histerical, naked

we would be okay, and an okay not prescribed by an Indian in a white coat
not prescribed by some supercorporate drug company with a butterfly mascot
or another sick smiling face endorsement
no, its not that im out of shape bent
i never had no shape at all
no label
just madness

starving, histerical, naked -- mad

how could i not defy the drizzling dagger madness
denting, carving ditches into my fungi spongee acme mind
moldy mushrooms, no roots

just rooted in cloud castle fortitude-dreaming truth
hey,
at least thier perdurable un precipitating clouds

let me tell you
what i know, its what
i see

major wise let me stroll down the roll call--

i went to wash my hands in the bathroom
i heard the lunch from pancreas
purging the soup and panini
so she could fit in the spring break bikini
- even if your no nutritionist
your just a perfectionist headsicktwistedist
you know
that mucus bile plasma smell
how it looks a clear web on your hand
sick sick sick

i went to get coffee and outside
the pre med Indians and type A sons of
lawyers, doctors, laser surgeons
in there for the money, in there for their parents pressure cooking
there brains rattled like thanksgiving turkeys
and we're all so thankful
for the doctors who
knock on the patient door on christmas, new years eve
on easter egg and jesus hatched morning
on passover, wait does that matter?
and these bio kids, scratching latin labelling lexicon into the frontal lobes with
their
laser pointers, searing the information gearing for mcats
while in the other hand, not laser pointer crippled
a cigarette
Marlboro poster child?
oh they defiled the hospital tile
with their
black lungs
and thats enough, the doctors been stung
quick, someone climb the last ladder rung for the
eppy pen

i went to get on the bus
and i saw the social work sisters
stepping out of the cab in 3 inch shiny heals
waving earrings,
waving to friends in ties and designer eye glasses
sleek pants
swishing not really cause thick thies
too many ice cream and steak fries rib eyes
dont recycle
dont bicycle to work, spend money like exhaled breaths
gone
cognizance gone
aware-mindfulness gone
selfish snoot social work sister, dating a fancy pants mister
why are you here, did you not hear
your not gonna keep this up you yup yup
next thing you know i got on the bus
swiped my card, the bus driver said, 'sup

i saw the best minds

dumping their brains into bongs
lighting up and taking off

i saw the best minds

purging up and out perfection
painting their memories with lumpy saliva

i saw the best minds

give in desire to be out, to do do do, make new lists, do do do
and eschew simple being, being, be

i saw the best minds

reducing perspective, suffocating in self surfeit
a self seeking ken so so bleak

i saw the best minds

shrivel, peeled orange rind to apartment air consgined
hardened, futile design

i saw the best minds

pretend, ignore, deny they werent the best, or even good at all

i saw the best minds

judge, jury, jest, jab, jolt, jab again, joust hubris that they were the only minds

i saw the best minds

or, did i see any minds?

or, was everyone a face in a gone world
was i the
only one with a
great big hungry eye

was i the only one
celebrating myself

was i the only one
calling you by your true name

was i the only one
wailing outside closed church doors

was i the only one
recycling glass juice bottles

was i the only one
listening to the smoggy sky burdens

was i the only one
who heard Mr. tambourine man

was i the only one
who believed god is a tree leaf

was i the only one
who knew Romeo and Juliet faked death

was i the only one
telling Martin to not stay at Lorraines

was i the only one
who told Eisenhower to recall his cabinet of Ford, Chrysler cronies

was i the only one
calling A. Finch to see if he could talk to Bush, tell him to walk a mile

was i the only one
Bono, no, your right, we carry eachother

was i the only one
i, you, she, he one the only

minds

tack sharp, mountain steep iceberg deep
chameleon creep, ing along, one song of madness
moshing, meditating in time with this madness song
replayed like a giant gong

on and on
om and om


on, on, on, up a hill steady- down a hill, not ready
to get back down again, looking for a friend

not to be the only one

mind

starving histerical naked
purging apathetic overdressed

not middle road medium mind, fine with a complacent spine


no, no.
yes, no i wont play you in chess
id lose in three moves

this mind mad mind you
searching searching for truth to imbue
for truth to imbue

you

so that im not the only one wondering
where why how now the best minds
curl dried up like defunct orange rinds

in hayena hysterics, bulimic barricks, where they
walked up the steps but did not knock on the door
for fear, of stepping in and falling thru a chasm crack in the floor
lost allure, can never be sure

best minds, only minds
you and i
still not sure if we one of a kind

but in a kind of way we be
humyn kind

unwind that

you, melange, myriad minds.

you, Ginsberg, hows this howl rewind...